i hate pressure. i mean, pressure to do anything, to believe anything. people that tell me i'm not ready for something and need to step down lower than them. or people that pressure me to abuse my body, sell my body, or disrespect myself. i am not some object that has two legs, worships Jesus, and plays percussion. i am someone that will reject to any kind of pressure. the kind that tries to manifests itself in my mind and attempts to destroy me.
FSU is still my choice. any other comments just MAKE (good pressure) me want to work harder. don't even get me started on me attempting to go to a conservatory later.
my self-esteem has reached an all time low since...i don't know when. do not tell me i'm not good enough. just because you started early and happen to be an amazing musician doesn't mean rubbing it in my face is the option.
you know that one person you have haunted memories about? i also see him. i do not hate anyone. i really dislike, though. i feel uncomfortable. everywhere, i think. like i'm not accepted anywhere.
another; watching you party and drink does not really entice me. i'm not falling for the kind of pressure like i did when i was a freshman.
just a random question: where's the good guys?
by the way, keep your rude comments to yourself. being a hypocrite isn't really the way to go.
...this country is upsetting me. majorly.
i don't really need to be here...maybe some miles down south is where i'm supposed to be. now, i don't feel comfortable being here anymore. my past friends are engaged, drinking, partying, smoking, not caring anymore... what happened? they moved on. the only place i ever feel comfortable at anymore is orchestra practice and home. not even at band. i feel like an outsider. people calling me 'cocky', 'fat', 'really not good at percussion at all'... that's not where i should be.
where can i go? somewhere people will appreciate me, the arts, and maybe being straightedged... because i can't find that here. not where i'm at.
xoxo Channelle
Sunday, September 19, 2010
an emotional, stressed blog is not my thing... @ 7:04 PM
i hate pressure. i mean, pressure to do anything, to believe anything. people that tell me i'm not ready for something and need to step down lower than them. or people that pressure me to abuse my body, sell my body, or disrespect myself. i am not some object that has two legs, worships Jesus, and plays percussion. i am someone that will reject to any kind of pressure. the kind that tries to manifests itself in my mind and attempts to destroy me.
FSU is still my choice. any other comments just MAKE (good pressure) me want to work harder. don't even get me started on me attempting to go to a conservatory later.
my self-esteem has reached an all time low since...i don't know when. do not tell me i'm not good enough. just because you started early and happen to be an amazing musician doesn't mean rubbing it in my face is the option.
you know that one person you have haunted memories about? i also see him. i do not hate anyone. i really dislike, though. i feel uncomfortable. everywhere, i think. like i'm not accepted anywhere.
another; watching you party and drink does not really entice me. i'm not falling for the kind of pressure like i did when i was a freshman.
just a random question: where's the good guys?
by the way, keep your rude comments to yourself. being a hypocrite isn't really the way to go.
...this country is upsetting me. majorly.
i don't really need to be here...maybe some miles down south is where i'm supposed to be. now, i don't feel comfortable being here anymore. my past friends are engaged, drinking, partying, smoking, not caring anymore... what happened? they moved on. the only place i ever feel comfortable at anymore is orchestra practice and home. not even at band. i feel like an outsider. people calling me 'cocky', 'fat', 'really not good at percussion at all'... that's not where i should be.
where can i go? somewhere people will appreciate me, the arts, and maybe being straightedged... because i can't find that here. not where i'm at.
xoxo Channelle
about me
channelle lynn brown
-student, 16, senior at YHS, musician, eurasian, woman of God, athlete
-many people have ridiculous pet names for me, like nella, nelly, asian, overachiever, channelly, etc.
-i'm a mutt. my mom is asian (thai, malay-chinese; filipino, indonesian, argentinean descent). my dad is white (english, danish, dutch, irish; scot descent).
-i am a strong follower of Jesus Christ. i do not have a religion; i have a relationship. i love Him so much and He has changed my life.
-i love percussion, my passion, piano, singing, ministry, and tennis.
-likes: tyler posey & michael trevino, forensics, Glee, social networking, cooking, hugs, long phone calls at night & good morning texts, music & art in general, new york, fro yo, my culture, tanning, florida state seminoles, running, toms, wayfarers, band, jsyo, shosatkovich, & tchaikovsky.
-chat :) i'm a really sweet and loving human being.
