relationship is now single. i've been open about my diagnosis about anxiety problems. family issues aren't really...getting any better? i'm confused. i've been lost.
I honestly I can't wait for this Fri.-Sun. and tomorrow: church and being with Jesus for a while.
I desperately need it.
i've recently learned:
1-loving someone is hard. very hard. and the letting go part just makes everything worse.
2-my orientation is something that others are going to have deal with.
3-i'm crazy. literally. really. seriously.
4-it's hard to keep up with things.
5-i'm really stressed out...well, i already knew that.
6-holding back hurts;physically and mentally. so bad.
7-i've gone back to my past and it was definitely a dumb decision(s).
8-patience is a BIG virtue.
9-i'm starting to feel numb.
10-i'm good at kind of hiding my true emotions in public.
11-getting persecuted is difficult, but it's making my skin thicker.
I guess I'm crazy with this weird disorder. Possibly 2, they say, thanks to traumatic experiences or whatever...I hope I don't see psycho...? I don't want to take meds or see a psychiatrist. I'm really scared. Beyond belief. I feel so different and lonely.
Losing someone is so hard. Recently, my loss has been so difficult and probably (almost) beating my record. Facebook/social networking doesn't help either, like when people won't mind their own fucking business, right? Yeah. But regardless of how much pain I'm going through, I feel so numb and vulnerable that I want and need to put myself in front of him. That's how much I love him and will always support him. It's really heartbreaking and I'm really confused right now...but I hope everything ends up amazing for him. :) oh man, I'd die for him. no lies or exaggeration.
Family matters need to get better. My cousin definitely doesn't and never deserves this torture. Please?
I have real big anger issues. Just watch me lose at tennis. Wow, that's not even a 1/10 of it.
Also, our world is so corrupted. I don't even know anymore. I'm like done. Ignorance and negativity is all that this world promotes, it seems. Yes, I'm bi. Yes, I'm a Christian and don't understand the whole orientation/homosexuality problem, but maybe (idk) I will one day.
People are very aggravating. Not new, huh? Make up your fucking mind and stop messing up other people's. and no, honestly, I don't want to hear about it because you're stupid for all the mistakes you've made. Really...
relationship is now single. i've been open about my diagnosis about anxiety problems. family issues aren't really...getting any better? i'm confused. i've been lost.
I honestly I can't wait for this Fri.-Sun. and tomorrow: church and being with Jesus for a while.
I desperately need it.
i've recently learned:
1-loving someone is hard. very hard. and the letting go part just makes everything worse.
2-my orientation is something that others are going to have deal with.
3-i'm crazy. literally. really. seriously.
4-it's hard to keep up with things.
5-i'm really stressed out...well, i already knew that.
6-holding back hurts;physically and mentally. so bad.
7-i've gone back to my past and it was definitely a dumb decision(s).
8-patience is a BIG virtue.
9-i'm starting to feel numb.
10-i'm good at kind of hiding my true emotions in public.
11-getting persecuted is difficult, but it's making my skin thicker.
I guess I'm crazy with this weird disorder. Possibly 2, they say, thanks to traumatic experiences or whatever...I hope I don't see psycho...? I don't want to take meds or see a psychiatrist. I'm really scared. Beyond belief. I feel so different and lonely.
Losing someone is so hard. Recently, my loss has been so difficult and probably (almost) beating my record. Facebook/social networking doesn't help either, like when people won't mind their own fucking business, right? Yeah. But regardless of how much pain I'm going through, I feel so numb and vulnerable that I want and need to put myself in front of him. That's how much I love him and will always support him. It's really heartbreaking and I'm really confused right now...but I hope everything ends up amazing for him. :) oh man, I'd die for him. no lies or exaggeration.
Family matters need to get better. My cousin definitely doesn't and never deserves this torture. Please?
I have real big anger issues. Just watch me lose at tennis. Wow, that's not even a 1/10 of it.
Also, our world is so corrupted. I don't even know anymore. I'm like done. Ignorance and negativity is all that this world promotes, it seems. Yes, I'm bi. Yes, I'm a Christian and don't understand the whole orientation/homosexuality problem, but maybe (idk) I will one day.
People are very aggravating. Not new, huh? Make up your fucking mind and stop messing up other people's. and no, honestly, I don't want to hear about it because you're stupid for all the mistakes you've made. Really...
All I can ask for right now is prayer. I need it.
Zaijian/God Bless.
about me
channelle lynn brown
-student, 16, senior at YHS, musician, eurasian, woman of God, athlete
-many people have ridiculous pet names for me, like nella, nelly, asian, overachiever, channelly, etc.
-i'm a mutt. my mom is asian (thai, malay-chinese; filipino, indonesian, argentinean descent). my dad is white (english, danish, dutch, irish; scot descent).
-i am a strong follower of Jesus Christ. i do not have a religion; i have a relationship. i love Him so much and He has changed my life.
-i love percussion, my passion, piano, singing, ministry, and tennis.
-likes: tyler posey & michael trevino, forensics, Glee, social networking, cooking, hugs, long phone calls at night & good morning texts, music & art in general, new york, fro yo, my culture, tanning, florida state seminoles, running, toms, wayfarers, band, jsyo, shosatkovich, & tchaikovsky.
-chat :) i'm a really sweet and loving human being.
